it was then 5 but now it is 4 + 1

have you ever feel so connected as a family before but one day you feel like you dont fit in at all
you start to meet new people
you start to think about your future
and you want to improve your life
but somehow the others always want to be stagnant and not change
well, that is how I see it

all these changes that are happening made me see even clearer that things are just not that simple
why bother kissing up on people's ass when they feel like their ass are meant to be kissed
why bother helping out on people when they dont help themselves out
why bother feeling that they are your bestest friend in the world when they just take you as a friend
why bother trying so hard to impress when you know you will not be appreciated

once I was all that
I wasnt happy when I was not appreciated
I wasnt happy when I was not remembered
I wasnt happy when I was not counted in for
Always looking for ways to be outstanding

I told to myself why must I live my life surrounded by all this uncertainty
Why must I struggle with all these nonsence when I have better things to be worried about
I could live my life happier worrying about the things that are going to happen to me but not somebody else
I do not have to kiss up on someone else's ass
I do not have to help them if I dont want to
I do not have to treat them as a friend if I dont want to
and lastly, I do not have to impress anyone if I dont want to
All I have to do now is to treat myself and my love ones from time to time

Even though I feel really misfit now but I am happy about it
I do not have to worry if I hurt their feelings
I do not have to worry if I am not there for them

After all of this,
Only now you can see the true colors of everyone
Who is your true friend and who is not

I have seen people trying so hard to impress
Holding on to someone and not share
I do not know what are the means to it
but Why bother to impress so hard??

I know most of them can feel like they dont fit in
but they still try or maybe they dont bother either
but mostly, I know what I want

that is why
it was then 5 but now it is 4 + 1