so much

i havent been writting for so long
so many things had happened to me
good ones bad ones
some unexpected some expected
but the thing is i am embracing every single thing that had happened to me

things had been really hard for me this past few months
too many impressing to do
but i know i didnt impress anyone at all
i am just being myself
the plain me

but everything turned out to be better than fine
everything became better than ever
better than i can ever imagine
enemies became friends
friends became closer friends
closer friends became like a family
wat more can i ask for

i am blessed with an angel i always say
i know not everyone is perfect
sometimes, people do have their temper
have their own ways to get their conveniences
have their own stuff to think about
and mostly have their own way of loving someone

there are things that i have to get use to
i will not say that it is easy
but i will not say that it is hard too
i will just have to get the hang of it and adapt to it
because i know this will be my life for years to come

i didnt regret that it happened
but i do regret how it happened
too many hearts have been broken
just coz of ones selfishness
i hope it will heal when the time comes
i do apologize for everything

once again, i say...
i am blessed with an angel...

let me tell u y did it ended

i had a 5 years relationship on my hands but somehow one day i decided to end it

why is it so?
some people might not understand and some may think that i have another guy in my life but
even if i do i have a good reason why

first of all why did i ended my 5 years relationship?

i am tired of hanging on to this relationship
i dont think this is wat i wan in my life anymore

i felt so tied up
so controlled
so dull
i dont see any reason for me to continue anymore

i know i might sound really selfish and all but i think somehow i have got to think about myself for once and think about what i really wan

i do not want to maintain this kind of relationship just for the sake of maintaining it

honestly, i have thought about ending it long ago but i didnt do it because i was thinking about too many people
i kept thinking of how i should not hurt them but in fact i am hurting myself deep down inside

finally i thought that i should be selfish for once and do what i have to do to not hurt myself anymore

when we just started everything was really sweet and nice and everything
we started off slow and steady because i was his 1st one
at first i thought that i can forgive him because he is new and everything
but after at about 2-3 years i feel that that is a burden to me now
i have to always give in to him just because he is new

and last time he would pamper me alot and its not that he dont pamper me anymore
well, he still does but i feel that he is pampering because he have to but not because he want to
and besides, last time he will not throw his temper to me no matter how angry he is
but now he is throwing his temper at me
showing me faces when i make him angry
he even dont talk to me when i just did some small mistake
what the crap !!!
he totally changed

and last time we almost break up because of some stuff
at that time we were fighting alot and he didnt understand me coz i just got into MMU and everything was really new and i join a few clubs and i was pretty busy at that moment
then he was blaming me that i wasnt spending time with him
this is the problem
he doesnt understand me

and there are somethings that he did to me and i would not like to talk about that

sometimes when i am not able to go back to melaka during the weekends he would tell me that he is not happy
i dont understand what is the thing that he is not happy about?
sometimes i have got some club activities, meetings, assignments, mid-term, outing with my friends but he doesnt understand
he would say ok u can go and play
but not long after that he will sms me and say that he is not happy about this and that

it seems that i dont have my own life
all i have to do is to be with him and always be back during the weekends
its not that i dont want to go back but shit !!! i have got my own things to do

and sometimes when i go out for dinner with my friends,
we will normally go to some highends restaurants once in a while to pamper ourselves
but he would say
"wa, why go eat yuntill so expensive the thing"
then i have to explain to him again
hello!!! i have my life and its not that i want him to pay for me

and theres one night my friends and i decided to go to karaoke to enjoy ourselves for the night at 12-3am coz it was after our finals
and u know what he said to me
he say that he is not happy me going to all that places and going back so late in the night
i was thinking that when i told my mum she didnt even scold me but he did
he even say that last time i will not got to this type of places but after i am with my friends i tend to learn how to go to all this places and go back so late
SHIT !!! now he is blaming my friends
then i told him
even u know that i dont like u to go clubbing but i still let u
why is that???
its because i know u wanna have some time with ur friends also and i never did control u on what time u wanna go back or where u wanna go
but he said that its a different thing
i should not compare in this way

and sometimes i will sms with some of my close guy friends
and we flirt alot i admit that
but we dont mean anything
but he will get all jealous and angry with me
he ask me
" if u were me and u saw me sms with other gals what will u do"
he always like to ask me this type of ques
and i would say
"if u wanna chat then its up to u.i will not control u"

and the next thing u know he will take his phone and start smsing any girl in his phonebook
the i ask him who is he smsing with
and he would say
"oh, a girl from kl. u know last time i tell u b4...."
its as though he is trying to make me feel how i made him feel but he never know that never worked on me
because i believe and i still do now that if u are meant to be means u are meant to be
and sometimes i feel that he always want to get a revenge on me

besides that, last time before we go for a movie he would ask me what type of movie i would like to watch and he would accompany me to watch it even though its not his kind of movie
but lately, he doesnt bother
he just choose the movie that he wants to see, set his own time and date and tells me to book the ticket
and worst still, he would promise me to bring me to watch a movie that i want but he tends to delay it and finally the movie is no more on cinemas and he did nothing about it

it seems that we have no more communication between us

i really cant take it anymore
i have had enough

there are some issues that he promised me that he would change
yes i wont deny that he had changed but it seems that the old him is coming back and even worst

he told me to give him another chance when i saw i want to end it
i gave him a chance once before and he took my 5 years
does he think that i am going to give him another 5 years?
i dont think so
he say to give him another 1 month to change
come on !!!
5 years and u didnt change anything do u think i will believe that u can change in 1 month?
its a waste of time

and honestly, sometimes when he touches me i feel really irritated
and sometimes he would do things that i hate
i told him that i hate it but he would do it again

and in his mind there is always "he thought and he thinks"
never what other people thinks or thought
he always think that what he does for me is what i like but not at all
i told him beffore but he never take into his mind

and also, i have a blog(this one), i have a forum, i am interested in a k-pop group, i have a close friend from penang
i told him all of this but he never did pay attention to me
when i tell him to see my blog
he just browse through, didnt really pay attention on what i am going through, when i tell him to see my forum, he would say he dont know who are they and what i am doing, when i talk about my k-pop group he doesnt give a shit. all he know is just to say that he doesnt understand korean and thats it
when i talk about my penang friend, i need to explain to him from the very beginning on how i met her and how we manage the forum together only then he knows who am i talking about

each time when i am talking about my stuff, its as though he doesnt listen, his music will blast so loud till u cant listen to my voice and i have to off the music just to talk to him and just right after i tell him what i have been through he will immediately change the topic. he didnt ask me anything regarding the things that i told him
even if u dont understand, well, cant u show some concern???
u were my bf for gods sake !!!

and when i talk about school stuff or activity and stuff he barely listens to me coz he dont know what i am talking about

the thing i hate most is that sometimes when i say i wanna buy somethings, he would say "aiyo, so expensive i got no money to buy for u"
and i will tell him that "i never say i want u to buy for me also"

sometimes i also think to myself that if i continue to be with him i will just die and rot wothout learning and knowing anything more

and sometimes it seems that i know more things than he does
and even if he doesnt know he dont have the will to learn to try
each time i tell him to do something that he doesnt know, he will just say that he doesnt know how to do and be done with it

how can i continue with someone like that?
i am a person that like to explore and to learn new things but with him i feel so dull
i dont learn anything i dont get anything

besides that, i believe that our thinking has changed
we dont think alike anymore
i have my own thinking how i wanna lead my life but he is not up to it
i told him before that maybe someday will be working as a air hostess and i would be flying alot and also maybe i will be working in KL
and here goes, he will show me his face again
being an air hostess has been my dream from very young
i am not sure if i can make it but i will try to make it
coz that is wat i wan
but he doesnt understand
he only wants to keep me right next to him and i cannot go anywhere
its like i have a chain chained onto me
and i can go only like a few meters away from him and i would come back

No No No!!!!
i dont want all of that
i dont want it at all !!!!
i want my life
i need my life

i cant go through all that anymore
i have had enough of the torture i can say

yes, i may be selfish and all but i have to do it
i dont want to live with all those lies anymore

maintaining this relationship anymore longer will make me suffer
i told him to let me go
but he still messages me now and then

my friends told me that he is writting a blog now about us
but its all too late
he always thinks that what he gave me is all that i want but he never did know that what i want is just a plain and simple relationship
he always thought that i want something flowery or big
but NO!!! i never did want all of that

but forget about it
i have decided to end it with him and i really see no future with him

a friend of mine always tell me that i deserve better
and i do believe that now
i believe i will find someone that suites me better and he would love me and treasure me just like the way that i wanted

I DESERVE BETTER !!!

over yet?

i am going through so much lately
so tired to even open my eyes and start my day
i wished i could just sleep till everything is over

please be over soon
i am trying my very best to be the strongest i can be
just for someone that i love
please support me dear
or else i will just break down and crack

IT IS FINALLY OVER !!!

Everything that are left now are just memories...

No point keeping it when u know it is going to hurt u somehow

U better end it before it hurts someone else even deeper

Therefore, i just let it go as my feelings are totally blunt right now

No poin to maintaining it though...

Just let it be

what is done is done...

IT IS FINALLY OVER !!!

Closer To Me

Constantly girl youre on my mind,

And girl I think about you all of the time

And even though words are hard to say,

Girl I miss you, never thought Id feel this way

If you keep on taking, my heart youll be breaking so why do you do this to me?

You know how Im feeling its you I believe in baby cant you see that I need you?

You know that its true.

Every time I see your face I miss you baby

You know that its you.

I want to let you know youre driving me crazy.

Id do anything to help you to see,

I dont think you understand what youre doing to me.

You know that its true.

Every now and then I want to call you baby.

You know that its you.

I say a prayer that youll come back to me lady.

Oh yeah.

Life aint anything alone cant you see youre an angel in my eyes,

Everyday youre closer to me.

Nobodys there when I call your name,

And nights are cold girl without your flame.

But if I could girl Id make you see.

That Im sorry, and that I need you here with me.

Every day reminisce with the past

Of a love that we thought would last.

How we used to be when it was you and me.

How did it all disappear so fast.

There are days that I cant forget

There are things that I now regret.

I was there for you when you were there for me,

and I was thinkin we were set.

Every night when Im laying in my bed

I hear your voice going round in my head,

think of all the things I could have done and all those things I could have said.

I really will make it up to youI know now what Ive got to do,

It took time but now Ive realised

how much Im missing you.

what am i suppose to do?

so many things had happen to me since for the past few days
i didnt know how did it happen
but it just did...
i am having a hard time to solve this problem
but i hope that everything will go on smoothly

i can say that i am really lucky to have the greatest friends ever and i have a mum that is like an angel

i really do hope that i can solve this calmly and positively

someone told me that i should always say things base on how i think not how i feel
and i must never jump into conclusion even before i figure out what is the problem

maybe from his words i will know how i can solve this problem

the day of my life

I CANT BELIEVE IT...

its d best nite ever in my life....

i was browsing through BB that is Brian's myspace

(those who know me will know who he is)

and my intention was to find more recents pictures of him to be posted in my forum...

and guess wat i found....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
see what he wrote at the bottom


VNA (from Malaysia) with her copy of my SOLO ALBUM... U totally ROCK ~!


OH MY GOSH !!!!!
can u believe that???
when i saw it i was screaming and shouting and jumping all over...
when i started to take notice of his song i have been looking all over for his album THE BRIAN

its all totally sold out in everywhere that i find...
i almost gave up...

but i did send him messages telling him that i m looking for his album at all over...

i m even crazy enough to ask him if he has an extra copy that he can give it to me...

i told him my ups n downs when finding for his album...
and finally when i got it...
i took a picture just for a remembrance...
and then i send it to him....

GOSH... i am just so happy...
speechless !!!!


the original photo...

i thank u so much BB for making my dream come true...

muakkkkksssssss~~~~~~

my very own CAMERA....

huhuhuhuhu....

cant believe i have my own camera now...

well, actually was just planning to have a look...

but how can i resist it....

its feature is so cooool just like my laptop....

and the price is so tempting....

finally got the courage to tell my mum

and YES !!!! she agrees...

well of course because i bought it with my own money....

hahaha.....

but i just love it...

the more i see it the more i love it...

here goes...

OLYMPUS FE-310

my sweetie...

ya its not those slimmy type but i love it...

it has a good grip....

thats wat i like most....

the very 1st pic i took...
wanted to take a pic of myself but didnt know it was on zoom...
and therefore something like this came out...
mummy say i look like JU ON....
hahahhahaa.......

at last a clear pic of myself....

well i keep jumping around with my new cam...
start grabbing my sis n my mum to take pic with me....

my sis...

mum preparing for dinner n i forced her to take a pic...
hahahaa.....

hehe....

ohya dears.... c my new laptop wallies are u guys ooo...
i love this pic....

my new BABY...

yahooooooooooo~~~

its here!!!!!

my new BABY...

compaq presario v3840TU

well, i m not sure whether this model is a new one anot..

coz i have asked all over

some said it is n some say its not...

but what they hey...

my BABY looks great...

n i love it...

the spec are to die for...

LOVE IT !!!!

but its not all fully in use yet...
coz not much program in it...
monday gonna bring my BABY go n met its DESIGNER...

already made an appointment...

wahahahhaa....
COOL ~~~~

a BLIND leading a group

So many things has happened during this whole week...
i really dont know how to describe it...

but i m totally exhausted n tired...

can u imagine running to 3 clubs all in the same week?

well, i dont blame it because its what i want...

but the thing is sometimes the way people do things can really kill a person...

its the frustration that kills...

yes its true that everyone has their way of working...
but for Heaven's sake as a leader please do act like one..

if u can lead a group well enough,

i can say that no chaos will happen in this world

but there are times where all this leader will think that whatever they do is right...

the thing is sometimes they are never right...

and they always stick to their own opinion...

besides, they think their are the leader and

therefore they can do whatever they like...

but do they know that

their stupid decision making skills

can really put someone on the line???

have they ever thought of that before or are they all to theirselves???

wat type of a comunity a society a group a club work like that??

nothing is ever going to be succesful if we have a leader that leads us like that...

poor leadership skills

lack of self opinion

poor decision making skills

doing things without even thinking about the consequences

last minute work

MY GOSH !!!!

come to think about it...

we will practically just die even before we start working with a leader that has all this "QUALITY" in leadership...

not only the leader will bring us problem...

the assistant of the leader themselves will also kill us when we are just at the beginning of the war...

how did the assistant killed us???

let me tell u...

poor decision making

all to themselves

butt kisser

the way they talk just kills u...

slow thinker

only talks about COMMITMENT but doesnt have one

point but dont move

what the crap !!!???

how can someone like this exist in a world like this...

i really cannot understand...

and besides, making a decision based on its conveniences is STUPID !!!!

no one makes decision like they do...

yes...

these are pratically the things that i have went through during this whole week...

most of u might not understand but i m sure some of u do...

and to those some of u...

i m really sorry that u guys have been neglected...

but no matter what...

will always love u guys....

muakssss....

My baby cousin

Early in the morning my mum, sis n I woke up and get ready for our journey of our day...

Today we went to Kulai, that is somewhere

near JB but not yet reach JB...

well, the journey was really long...

at about 2 hours for us to get there....

we all reached there safely in the afternoon along with

a few of my aunts and my grandpa...

the reason why we went there was because i have a new born cousin...

his chinese birthdate is the same as mine..

that is at the fifth day of the fifth month in the chinese calendar...

and today is his 1 month old...
so adorable...

his mum changing his nappy

woke him up just to take pic...
crancky now...


he dnwn me to take his pic...
hahaa....

haha...
keep moving around...

look at that...
he dnwn to take pic...

the best pic ever...
smile my dear...

aint he adorable...
he has the baby smell...
so nice...
after that we went out to the nearest shopping mall just to have a walk...
and then we departure for home...

on my way home on the highway...
its so boring...
so i took a few pics of the beautiful sunset...

aint it pretty?
i love it...

it went down already...

and...
this is the end of my journey to Kulai....

-THE END-

Does it Rhyme?

something really frustrating and disappointing happened to me today...

well then i tell to a friend and he was really nice to tell me this...

check it out...

" There's once a girl called alvina.

She's so nice you want her on a pizza.

Dont be angry

Because that would look really scary. "

i didnt know what it was actually until he explained it to me...

he said it was suppose to be a poem and it was suppose to rhyme...

well i told him alvina and pizza dont rhyme...

and he insisted that they both rhyme...

i cant stop laughing by his reaction on telling me how they rhyme...

but not on the poem that he wrote...

hahahhaa...

hilarious !!!

so, do u think it rhymes?

haha...

aniversary day...

dear dear was working today but manage to go out at nite after his work...
we went to Melaka's Jetty for dinner...
tat place is totally beautiful....
its just above the sea...

awesome...
look at the view....

we have to take this cart thingie only then we can reach the place...

so cool..

haha...

manage to get a pic...

at the dinner place...

its so windy...

aint it pretty....

look at the hotel..

they are shaped and sized orientated

well, this is my dinner...

ya i know it doesnt look that good but it tasted really good...

its called the PROTUGAL CHICKEN RICE

dear dear had Japanese Omelette Fried Rice

later after dinner we went to DATARAN PAHLAWAN....

they have a new GSC there...

10 rooms...can u imagine how big it is...

we went there for WANTED....

coolest movie ever....

we were at room 4...

see how big it is...

yay !!!
twin sit...

during the movie, an older couple were sitting next to us...
just when the movie started at about 15 minutes,
the husband started to sleep already...
hahaa...

the best thing is that he even snores....
and later on his snores were getting louder and louder and louder....
those sitting a row in front of us was looking back to see...
then his wife wake him up...
his wife were laughing....
then after not long he fall asleep again...

GOSH uncle, dont waste money to pay for the sits to sleep there...
home is better and its free...

hhahahahaa.....

Why cant he just back off and let me have my life?

This afternoon, the misery from my previous post called me again...

i was shocked when i saw his phone number...

i was thinking to myself...

"WHY CANT HE GET OVER WITH IT ??"

" WHAT IS HE TRYING TO DO ??"

and i have my handphone turned on into busy mode...

(that is the tone will still be ringing at his side but will be shut off on my side)

and then a few minutes later he called again...

MY GOD !!!! he would not leave me alone !!!

then later he messaged me...

saying :

"did i hurt your feelings? if yes i m sorry"

i ignored the sms and deleted it once i read it...

later on he sent another...

this time saying :

"did i hurt your feelings? if yes i m sorry. When u ready, just pick up my call, i have things to say that i want u know, it takes few minutes only. Talk nicely ya"

what the crap ???

he thinks that i will answer his phone again?

if i do, his handphone will explode in just a second...

someone really cool n sweet once told me this :

" A guy should always respect a girl's privacy. And no matter what also should give the girl some space. give her some room to breathe. Asking and caring about her is not wrong just that he should know his limit. There's alot of ways to tell a girl that you care about her and how much you like her. But not by getting opportunity of her. Anything to excessive is bad. Girls are meant to be handled with care. Guys always think they can get what they want but they do not know that the world does not work that way. Getting a girl irritated is the worst thing any guy can do. I think he should stop."

and please take note....

its a guy that told me this...

have u met a guy that know a girl that well ??

this is the first time...

well, i suppose when U read this blog post, U will know that these words are from U.

And i am really glad i have U as my friend...

and please MISERY...

just back off and go on with your life...

i have had enough !!!!

a little something about me studying Korean Language

I started to get interest on Korean Language ever since

i get attached to Fly to the Sky, a really awesome Korean Pop Group...

from there the journey of my Korean Language lesson begins...

During 2nd sem of my Beta year, i wanted to take Chinese language as my cocu...

but then i changed my mind at the very last minute and i did not regret ever since...

i really enjoy going to my first Korean class...

even during the sem-break, i did some practicing on my own at home...

our Korean class was scheduled for 3hours once a week...

but that 3hours always passes by as though it is just 30minutes...

I really enjoyed learning Korean language and i still do now...

although i m not taking any classes now but i tend to learn myself by listening to korean songs, watching drama and also refering to text books...

i have a really close Korean friend also...

his name is 손태현 ( Soon Tae Hyeon )...

but i call him 오빠 (oppa = brother)...

he is really nice...

well, i met him in my Korean language class...

he was so funny the first time i met him...

we were in Korean Language Society's ice breaking when they(a few korean guys) intoduce theirselves...

he was really shy... then he came and ask us (my friends n i) whether we would him to teach us Korean and in return we teach him English...

then the second time i met him was in my Korean listening test...

he was suppose to read to us and we will circle out the correct answer...

but because we are beginners we could not understand when they say it too fast....

so his friend and him will have to speak really slow and loud...

and its really hard for him

(that is what he told me)... haahha....

then once he start with the sentence he start giggling...

he could not stop... giggling leads to laughter...

and then he start to blush... he is so funny at that time...

haha... i cant stop laughing myself...

then later on my lecturer, we call her 손생님 (son seng nim = teacher) took over his part and he still stands there holding the paper covering his face...

at that time i think e really wish to leave the room due to over dose of embarrasment...

hahhahahaha.... but he is really funny....

later on i get hold of his contact and manage to get him help me with my korean...

and then i taught him a little English also...

after all that, he got A for his English and i got an A- for my Korean language...

haha... well done !!!

on February 08' he went back to Korea as his English course here has complete...

but we still contact through email and sometimes if I am lucky i could chat with him on YM!

but till now we only chat once on YM! mostly on email...

i even manage to send him a sms.... how cool is it... hahaha....

lets have a look at some pics now...

oppa n me

see what he wrote...

haha...

something that he drew on YM!

this is my pretty Korean lecturer..
she is really cute n lovely...
she finally get to eat her favourite satay before she leave Msia

yummy....
how to slice it up???
so many students....
HAHA...

a cake for her...

to think about it now...
i really do miss her...
she is the 1st Korean lady that i know...
and sometimes when i have the free time i will drop by her office to chit chat with her...
and she will ask me if i have forgotten all my Korean...
haha... luckily i did not fail her coz i m still learning on my own....
hope that i can improve it even more....

손생님, 보고싶었어요 ~~